High Conflict Divorce Issues and How to Solve Them

In cases where divorcing couple are not civil to each other and do not want to negotiate anything, it is obvious that conflict is carried on to life after divorce too. Child custody and visitation issues would be among major agendas which have to be contested. These kind of high conflict cases are frustrating for lawyers involved since they have to put up with flare ups and irrational thinking from the side of their client. The courts have various methods outlined to deal with such divorce cases. These include

• Mediation
• Parenting classes
• Arbitration
• Parenting coordinators
• Litigation
• Supervised visitation
• Therapy.

The effect of these different methods on a high conflict couple is varying. There have been instances when surprisingly they have decided to bury their differences for sake of their child. But more often than not, they stick to their side of story and decide to contest everything in a divorce with scant regard to child involved (if any).

The method of mediation is most of the times a failure in such cases. They do not budge from their perception of child’s needs and do not trust each other’s capacity to provide for child. Litigation is another method that is not very useful in such circumstances. Fathers in such cases feel that court is biased and they are misunderstood. At the same time mothers are vulnerable and hardly speak up. The couples do not believe that court would be able to help them and due to this even if litigation proceeds, it never comes to an end. They derive emotional pleasure by having an on going dispute rather than ending it.

Divorcing couples with minor children are required to attend parenting education classes where they are made aware of different needs of child at different stages of his life. The classes cover stages from infancy right up to teenage but majority of classes are for parents with infants. Hence many parents find it difficult to manage to attend these. Moreover quality of these classes depends largely on ability of instructors.

Therapy seems to have been useful in changing perceptions of divorcing couples so that the focus is on child and his needs rather than their own agendas. This psychological approach is comparatively successful and is increasingly being used in high conflict divorces with children. This process is known as therapeutic mediation.

Arbitration and employing parenting coordinators are relatively new concept. It involves a court appointed or private mental health professional acting as decision maker. Supervised visitation is allowed in cases with history of domestic violence, child abuse etc. The supervisors are professionals who watch over child and parent during visitation.